Fort Wayne’s mayor Tom Henry held a press conference Monday to address the increasing concern that Fort Wayne is “totally bland.”
Henry explained that “Fort Wayne has lots of stuff to do. We have a miniature golf course, over two movie theaters, and even a baseball team. Plus, we have the nickname ‘Fort Fun.’”
Despite Henry’s urges citizens aren’t fully convinced.
Harry Walsh, head of the Bureau Of Residents Ending Dullness (BORED), responded that “nobody even likes baseball anymore. This city needs something like a theme park to spice things up. Even if we got a zoo or a bunch of ponies the city would be about 20 percent cooler.”
Henry insists that he will try new strategies to gain the city some rep with the cooler cities. Henry has even drafted plans for a mandatory citywide game of duck, duck, goose. He hopes that the event will spark interest in community involvement and get people to think that Fort Wayne is fun.
Henry closed his press conference with the statement: “Come on guys, we’re really trying.
“The only friend the city has is Indianapolis, and that’s no Chicago. But even then, we’re cooler than a box of juice!”
